The legacy i would want to leave to my children

Last night we were asked this question at our couples group meeting in church. I have never thought about it, but once the question was asked, i realized that more than earthly possessions, there are treasures that are far more worthy of giving to my children. These are treasures which will make them ready for life after we have passed. Treasures that will define their future and their children’s future. Now, more than ever, is the time to make sure that  they learn and understand these  by heart.

An attitude of gratitude.

I want my children to always be grateful for all their blessings. To acknowledge that everything they have and will ever have comes from God. I want them to thank God for everything that they have and don’t have. To learn to appreciate every kindness shown to them and to give them back a thousandfold.I want my children to be grateful for simple joys. To see the beauty in all circumstances and to rise above every difficulty because no matter how sad, lacking or painful a situation is, there is always hope. There is always, always something to thank for each day.

Humility at all times.

I want my children to never boast about what they have. To know when to speak up and fight but and do it without a shred of pride in their hearts, but always with the intention to inspire gently but effectively. I want them to know that being last is not the worst thing that can happen and being first should not be the be-all and end-all of life. To share their blessings without asking for anything in return. To never seek for revenge and to always choose to do good even when faced with the enemy’s attack.

Excel for the glory of God.

I want my children to use the talents that God has given them. To maximize their potential in everything that they do. I want them to strive to please and honor God in all their endeavors and to never seek  and rely on the world’s opinion of them.

Obedience.

I want my children to have an obedient heart always. To learn to trust and obey God in all situations. To listen and obey without questions and doubts knowing in their hearts that God’s way is always the right way.

Nobody gets left behind.

I want my children to value the gift of family next to God. To know that a family is one of God’s greatest blessing and to have one that is complete is already  a gift no amount of money can buy. I want my children to fight for their family, to stand by each other no matter what. To stick together through thick and thin.

They are precious.

I want my children to know that they are fearfully and wonderfully made. That they have been saved by the blood of Jesus. I want them to know that nothing that they have done or will ever do will ever take them away from God’s favor. That they will always be forgiven, accepted and loved.

I pray to God for the wisdom to live these everyday. For the grace to be a good testimony to my children. To know that they have these in their hearts is a reward no amount of earthly possession can equal.

Today my daughter learned to face her fears

Today, my daughter learned that bullies do exist and running away from them should never be an option. I write this piece not as an attack to the child who has been tormenting my daughter’s thoughts, but to inspire fellow parents that our children’s fears are real, no matter how big or small they are.

I knew that something was not exactly right in my sweet girl’s peaceful life when she started telling me about an older boy in her school who seemed bent on “targeting” her during dodgeball games. I even kidded her and told her that maybe that boy likes her, because some boys usually are like that when they want to get a girl’s attention but just doesn’t know how to go about it the proper way. Still i made a mental note to talk to her more about it.

But I didn’t think it was that serious until she told me today that she is quitting the team. Dodgeball is a sport she has been passionate about and she has worked very hard on getting into a team for their tournament, even staying in school long after dismissal time just to play and practice. She was so happy when she was chosen to compete  and i was very proud of her.

My tried and tested Mother’s instinct instantly told me that something was definitely wrong. She told me she’s quitting the team because she was afraid of getting hurt. It just didn’t make any sense. My sweet girl who  walked at 8 months, learned to climb the monkey bars at 2 years old, rode her bike without training wheels at age 4, trekked the entire La Mesa Watershed with me, can do rock climbing and bungee jumping with eyes closed is never scared. Beneath her peaceful and calm demeanor, she is fearless. As pretty as a rose yet she has never been afraid to to go down on her knees and get dirty. She has always held her own among boys and kids older than her.

I was not going to let this pass.

I am thankful that our closeness has allowed me to read between the lines of her excuses. Without even saying it she knew that i know and understand the words that were left unsaid.

I prayed. I needed to pray for calmness because at that moment i was just “Mommy”, ready to pounce on anyone who has hurt my baby. But i am also God’s steward and i cannot let my emotions get the better of me. I knew there was a lesson to be learned from that situation and i was determined not to be distracted by whatever ploy the enemy has set upon me. I was going to teach my daughter something so valuable and i was not going to miss the opportunity.

I gave her time to process her feelings and when she was ready, she said the one word that has been on my mind since the day she has told me about her “tormentor”. BULLY. “Mommy, i’m afraid of being bullied”. I knew her fear was real. My fearless beauty is scared and it’s something alien to me, to both of us. Whatever her “tormentor” did to make her want to give up something that she loves, i wouldn’t want to delve into anymore. It’s something that has to be dealt with separately and immediately. But my concern is my daughter and i am not going to let her be cowed. Never.

I told her i would speak to her teachers but as i expected she didn’t want me to. As fearless as she is, my pride and joy has always been a peacemaker, never wanting to be in conflict with anyone and would choose to suffer in silence than to bring trouble to someone else.

I have always thought that this is her greatest virtue but today all i can say was “No more Miss nice girl, baby. Time to be Rocky Balboa and face your fears”.

I told her she will encounter a lot more people who will try to intimidate her as she grows older and that challenges and hardships are a part of life and one just can’t run away from them. We have to face it head on. “Never let anyone prevent you from doing the things you love. Don’t let one person affect your happiness. Fight for what is good. The good always prevails. God sees every intention. If He is for you, no one can be against you.”

I thanked the Lord for the wisdom. I knew it was Him who was communicating these words to my daughter. I could not have possibly been as composed and calm if God was not with me the whole time. Parenting is both rewarding and heartbreaking. We just cant simply do it without faith.

In the end, she let me talk to her teachers and she asked to be back on the team. I was holding my breath the whole time while trying so hard to keep the tears from falling. But when she came out of the room after talking to her teachers, walked towards me, hugged me ever so tight, buried her face in my bosom and said the words, “Thank you”, i finally let my tears flow.

I love you baby. I am here for you. Always have been and always will be. 

Best title in the world

Had the most refreshing, relaxing and insightful conversation in a long time. It all happened  at eight in the evening, while comfortably lounging on a cushion-filled couch in a room softly illuminated with two night lamps. The topic: boys, girlfriends, peer pressure and secrets. My date: My seven year old daughter. Oh we had so much fun, with giggles, rants, raves and all. It was one of the best times of my life. I knew it right away and decided to write it down so i can remember it forever and get back to it when she feels too big to spend her evenings with me.

I could’nt remember being as candid to my own mom when i was her age. I wish i did. It would have saved me a lot of heartaches and poor decisions.

I also wished i had captured that precious one hour on video. To be able to keep her small voice and girly laughter forever is one piece of gem i would never trade for anything in the world. But to do so would destroy the moment and the spontaenity of it. So i regretfully settled to memorizing each word and facial expression and keeping them safely locked in a corner of my heart. To be a constant reminder that i have been blessed to be called “Mom” of this amazing creation.

What a joy it is to be trusted and confided with matters that are important to her fragile heart. “Don’t tell Daddy” is always added after each revelation. A strict reminder with a hint of a mischievious smile, and a twinkle in her eyes, as if the two of us are now members of an exclusive club where no boys are allowed.  This gave me a special status, a higher rank from her unsuspecting Daddy. How i love the privilege it brings!

How do i freeze time and stop the years from passing? I would do everything all over again, endure the birth pains, body aches, sleepless nights, tightening of  belts to make ends meet, putting careers on hold and laying my life on the line. All these i would do again without batting an eyelash, for a chance to keep my babies as babies forever.

How did everything happened so fast? I look at my precious angel and i see a gorgeous butterfly raring to fly and see the world. How did we ever manage to raise such a smart, sweet, funny and loving child? By God’s grace no doubt.

We could have gone well past midnight just talking for hours if not for the other angel stirring from his slumber and expectantly waiting for Mommy to cuddle him back to sleep. But no, he refuses to go back to dreamland after seeing Mommy. All he wants to do is to play, wrestle and tickle. And that was what we did while i hilariously read to them the story of the “Frog Prince”. I dont think they understood the story except for the “ribet-ribet” sound effects that i had to do to make it sound real.

My son. Our son. A miracle. We waited a long time for his arrival, but God’s timing is always perfect. He came at the most blessed time of our lives.  He has a special voice and look that he only saves for “Mimi”. I would give anything for him to call me “Mimi” even after he is grown and starts driving his own car. I think i am his first love. Sorry girls, already beat you to that.

What a delight to come home to his infectious energy. Always jumping in excitement as he opens the door to welcome us back after a day at work and in school. Always eager to share his escapades for the day in a unique language that only “Mimi” can understand. Tough as a man and brave as a lion, but always has a soft spot for “Mimi”.

So if you ask me if there is anything else i would want to be, i’d say i am already “it”. Won the best title in the world. Not once, but twice.